The Diary
by azerath.metrion
Summary: Inuyasha and Shippo discover the magic of diaries, opening a whole world of confusion to Inuyasha. Did she really think that of him?
1. Chapter 1

_**The Diary**_

**Entry Number One**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I affiliated with the owners of, _Inuyasha_

Inuyasha leaned his head sleepily against the trunk of the cherry blossom tree. Normally Kagome would be excited about the beautiful blooms, but it was deep winter, and the limbs were devoid of any blossoms. So, at the moment, she was sleeping in the abandoned hut a couple yards away from the tree, probably dreaming about silly girl things. Inuyasha breathed deeply, happy to finally be able to relax. A soft jangling broke his train of thought, and Inuyasha looked down irritably to see the Buddhist monk, Miroku, emerge from the hut's door and make his way over to Inuyasha's sleeping place. Growling to himself, Inuyasha leapt from the tree to meet his travelling companion on the ground.

"Good evening, Inuyasha," Miroku said pleasantly. "Are you comfortable out here?"

"Just peachy," Inuyasha replied, crossing his arms. "What do you want, Miroku? I'm trying to sleep."

"I'm sorry," the monk said, frowning sadly. "I only wanted to come sit and talk with you. Do you have a few minutes?" Inuyasha shrugged, taking his place on the roots of the tree. Miroku sat in the grass nearby, resting his staff on the ground and massaging his right hand, now Wind Tunnel-free, since they had defeated Naraku. Inuyasha was barely able to accept it himself; it felt odd to not have to worry about Kagura coming to harrass them on the evil demon's orders now. Of course, she might choose to of her own accord; she had escaped Naraku's grasp when he was beaten. _And took his jewel shards with her_, Inuyasha thought angrily to himself.

"What is it you want, Miroku?" He asked again, crossing his legs and glaring at the monk. Miroku, who was used to this, merely shrugged.

"Inuyasha," he began, looking thoughtfully at the moon, "Have you heard from Kikyou?" Inuyasha glanced curiously at his friend before studying a small clump of grass near his knee.

"No," he replied quietly. "Not since..." Miroku nodded, understanding.

"Well," he continued, frowning as he scrutinized the starry sky above them, "Have you thought about going to find her yet?"

"Yet?" Inuyasha snapped, glaring openly and angrily at the monk. "What's that supposed to mean? I told Kagome I wouldn't leave her to go find Kikyou anymore, and I meant it!" Suddenly the area around the tree was very quiet as Inuyasha glared at Miroku and Miroku stared firmly back. Quieter, Inuyasha continued, "Besides, what will happen to Kagome if I leave? Kagura could come back, or a big demon might come across the hut, or-"

"Or the sky could fall about our ears and the Great Buddha could land on the hut in all his fat glory," Miroku said angrily, making silent apologies to Buddha as he glared at Inuyasha. "You know that Kagome has beaten Kagura before on her own, and Sango, Kagome, and myself could handle any demon. What really keeps you here, Inuyasha?" Inuyasha glared at the ground again.

"I don't want to lose her," he finally admitted. "Kagome. Kikyou is... was... my lover. But she is dead now, brought back to life by that evil witch. She has no emotions to spare on a hanyou, no matter how much he may love her or what sort of past they had. If anything, she took her anger and hatred for me to the grave, and then brought it back as well. I can't leave Kagome to look for a woman that will probably try to put an arrow through me again, especially not that particular woman."

"Why do you care so much about losing Kagome?" Miroku asked, crossing his arms. "Is it love? Lust? Just the affections of a protector? What, exactly, keeps you here, while Kikyou is somewhere out there?" Inuyasha stood up.

"Look, Miroku," he said, glaring down his nose at the still-seated monk. "I don't know what all these questions are for, or where they came from, but I've already answered more than I ever wanted to. So unless you want to explain your questions, you better get moving." Miroku sighed, standing as well.

"Let's go for a walk," he said, grabbing Inuyasha gently, but firmly, at the elbow and leading him toward the woods nearby. After walking through the thickly knit trees for several minutes, they came to a small babbling brook. Miroku released Inuyasha and sat by the brook, staring at the bubbling water. Inuyasha came to stand behind him, waiting for him to speak. "Inuyasha, women are confusing." Inuyasha snorted, looking to the side as he marveled at Miroku's abstract way of breaching a subject. "They will taunt and torment you to no end, or they will flirt with and show affection for you that will make you melt. Either way could be just friendly, or more than friendly. It depends on the woman, and the man." Inuyasha yawned loudly.

"Come on, Miroku," he said boredly. "If you need advice on a girlfriend or something..."

"I am not the one who needs advice," Miroku stated simply. "You are. I know where I stand with the woman I love; Sango is unwilling to show her affections for a perverted monk. I must do something about that, but right now you need more help than I do."

"Help with what?" Inuyasha grumbled. "I cannot say that I have someone to love, nor that that woman would love me back. So what is the problem?" Miroku sighed again and shook his head.

"Inuyasha," he said gently. "Do you not get it? Kagome is Kikyou's reincarnation. Kikyou's living self loved you, even after Naraku convinced her that you were after the Shikon Jewel, and that love is embedded in Kagome's heart. They are not the same, I admit that. But Kagome is, and always will be, the one that truly loves you. Now, my question is this: do you love Kagome?" Inuyasha blushed before covering it with a flush of anger.

"What do you mean?" Inuyasha barked. "Kagome is a teenage girl! She's not even a woman yet, and how do you know that she loves me? Did she tell you? I didn't think so!" Miroku stood again, gazing at Inuyasha with pity in his eyes.

"If that is truly how you feel, I pity the poor girl," he said sadly. "In her own time, she is merely a young girl. But here she is so much more. She is the young _woman_ that helped to vanquish Naraku, the feared and most evil demon of darkness that was slowly driving the world into death. She is the young_ woman_ that defeated so many other demons. And," Miroku glared at Inuyasha, "It is this young _woman_ who fell in love with the _hanyou,_ Inuyasha. You." Inuyasha shook his head.

"Miroku, I cannot believe that," he replied simply. "Kagome did not want me to leave because every time I do she nearly dies. She protects me because I protect her. Just drop it, okay? Kagome is... different. She's not like the women you know, and she'll probably rather marry someone from her own time, so stop making up notions that I love her. It's just not that simple." And he left, heading for his cherry tree again, leaving Miroku sad, but thoughtful, at the brook.

As he passed the small hut, Inuyasha heard Sango, Kagome, and Shippo talking quietly to each other inside. Curious, he stopped by a half-shuttered window to listen.

"Are you serious?" Shippo was squealing, as the girls laughed. "He really told you he feels that way about you? And you told him _no_?" Kagome giggled again.

"Shippo, it's not as easy as it seems," she replied kindly. "He was nice, but he's not... Well, honestly, he's not as _noble_ as I would have liked. He's kind and sweet, but he just doesn't know me for who I am- you know, the one I am here. He's not strong, or sensitive, and he doesn't treat me like an equal like the guys here do. Ever since I came here, guys have respected me because of who I am and what I can do. Well... _most_ guys."

"Yeah, but not Inuyasha," Shippo said derisively. Inuyasha gritted his teeth, wishing he could rap the fox demon on the head. "He's still under the impression that you're an annoying little girl that shattered the Shikon Jewel." Inuyasha frowned; was that really what they all thought about him?

"Inuyasha," Sango muttered. "He's almost as bad as that perverted monk. It's no wonder Kikyou pinned him to that tree!" Inuyasha growled softly; so he _deserved_ that, did he?

"Come on, guys," Kagome said then. Inuyasha listened attentively. "He's just... hurt, I think. Kikyou really broke his heart, and it was all that terrible Naraku's fault. I don't think he respects me because of Sesshoumaru. Think about it: ever since he was little, Sesshoumaru's treated him like nothing special because he's a hanyou, and now that Inuyasha has someone more inferior- a human with no prior training in battling demons or even any sort of strength- he feels that it's his responsibility to let me know I'm inferior. And I can't blame him; after all, I am the one that took away his one chance to become a full demon just because I couldn't handle a bow. But I think he's getting accustomed to me being around; the ramen definitely had a positive turn on him." The three laughed and then dispersed for the night; Kagome stayed in the current room, but Sango and Shippo went to the second room, where Sango could take care of her hiraikotsu and Shippo could play with Kirara.

For a moment, Inuyasha stayed where he was, just listening to Kagome getting ready for bed and then her soft breathing as she searched for sleep. Then, realizing what Miroku would think if he found him there, Inuyasha continued on to his tree, thinking about the night's events. He was tired, but his mind refused to let him sleep; he couldn't stop thinking about Shippo's and Sango's words, and Kagome's reply. He found it hard to believe that Kagome felt anything more than friendly affections for him, especially if she thought that he disrespected her so much and he was so low as to accept her merely for her food. With a sigh, he jumped to the ground yet again and walked idly to the hut. Sango and Miroku had gone for a walk not too long ago, so it was only Kagome, Shippo, and Kirara in the hut.

Peeking into the open doorway, he saw a small light in the room Kagome occupied. Frowning, he crept through the first room, where Kirara and Shippo were sleeping soundly, curled up together, and poked his head into the doorway. Kagome's back was turned to him, and she was leaning over something in her lap; there was a lit candle on the floor beside her, and she had not heard his approach. Inuyasha considered leaving her to whatever task she was doing, but changed his mind; he just wanted to see if she had any ramen. Quietly he entered the room.

"Hey, Kagome," he said in his usual obnoxious tone. Kagome spun around, grasping a small book to her chest, with one of those 'pen'-things in her right hand. To Inuyasha's surprise, she glared at him, before carefully clasping the lock on the book and hiding it in her bag.

Then, drawing a breath, she said, quite irritably, "Inuyasha! What do you want so late? I thought you were asleep!" Inuyasha frowned.

"Sorry," he grumbled. "My stomach woke me up; don't you have any ramen I can eat?" Kagome glared at him a bit more, then sighed.

"Sure," she replied tiredly. "Let me just get it out; can you go make a small cooking fire outside?" Inuyasha nodded and set out, recruiting Shippo with a knock on the head to collect some firewood. As he scuttled around outside, trying to make a small fire from going out in the softly gusting wind, Inuyasha thought about Kagome's sudden hostility. She may not think he was the best half-demon in the world, but she was still kind to him on a regular basis. Once Shippo had collected all the needed wood, he glared at Inuyasha one last time and stumbled off to bed again, telling Kagome the fire was ready on the way.

As she exited the building, Kagome practically threw the ramen at Inuyasha, who winced.

"What was that for?" Inuyasha snapped, quite perturbed. "I didn't do anything!"

"Next time you're hungry," she growled back, "Go hunting or something like that, because I'm tired of you waking me up whenever you want to eat!"

"You weren't asleep!" Inuyasha sputtered. "And why are you so suddenly uptight? You never minded before!"

Kagome started cooking the ramen before she answered. "I'm just tired of you using me. And I've been thinking... isn't it time for me to go home?"

"Back to Kaede's village?" Inuyasha asked in contempt, ignoring the feeling rising in his stomach. Surely she didn't mean-

"No, Inuyasha," Kagome sighed. "Back to my own era. With my family. And my friends."

"And all those silly little boys hoping to get a peek under your skirt," he mumbled irritably, somwhat hurt that she would prefer them to travelling with her real friends. Kagome wasn't supposed to hear that, but Inuyasha could tell from the way she flushed and glared at him that she had.

"Inuyasha," she said commandingly, "Sit, boy!" Inuyasha didn't even have time to glare at her before he went face-first into the dirt.

He sat up, rubbing his nose and glaring indignantly at Kagome. "Well, if you're going to be so rude to me all night, you can eat the ramen yourself and I'll go back to sleep!"

"That sounds like the best thing to do! Besides, I'm sure _Kouga_ is hungry, wherever he is! Maybe I should call him, instead!"

"If you want to fend off hints that he wants to have you for his little lapdog, you can call that moron wolf demon all you want! But don't count on me to come save you from his grasping little fingers when it gets too much to handle!" Kagome glared at him a moment more, then stood up and made her way into the woods by herself. Inuyasha glared after her for a moment, then went back to his tree, not bothering to put out the cooking fire; let the woman deal with it when she got back from her little temper-tantrum.

As he laid back in his tree, Inuyasha growled at Kagome's audacity. Why was she so mean to him now, when he least deserved it? Maybe when he'd been chasing after Kikyou all th time, but not now. He had basically sworn to protect her for the rest of her life! Couldn't she be at least a _little_ more accomodating? Thinking about Miroku's words, he blushed; he didn't want her to be _that_ accomodating. At least, not if she only meant it as payment. And maybe not even if she really meant it affectionately. _Women really _are_ complicated._

As he rested, he heard an odd noise. Sitting up, he sniffed at the air; he sensed nothing unnatural. Frowning, he listened again. To be honest, it sounded like some sort of dying animal, but he smelled neither sickness or blood on the wind. Finally, he decided to go check it out; maybe it was downwind. But as he jumped from the tree, he heard it again; it was coming from upwind, after all. Gently unsheathing the Tetsusaiga, he crept into the woods, narrowing his eyes as he glanced around him. Entering a clearing, he found a sight that nearly made him drop his sword.

"Kagome?" He asked, seeing the girl sitting in a ball, her arms around her raised knees, and crying so hard he doubted she had heard him. But she had, and as her head jerked upward to stare at him embarrassedly, Inuyasha suddenly felt like the biggest idiot in the entire camp.

He had made Kagome, the girl he had sworn to protect, cry. She was _crying_ because of him. And he knew it.

"Go away, Inuyasha," she said, her tears muffling her words as she rubbed her eyes. "I don't want to see you right now!"

"Kagome..." The arm holding the Tetsusaiga dropped limply to his side as he continued to look at his travelling companion. He didn't know what to say, other than the fact that he didn't know what to say. Suddenly he had a newfound respect for those who admitted to that fault. Finally, he put his sword away and walked over to Kagome.

"Inuyasha, I told you to go away."

"I know." Kagome stared at him a moment, hearing the sad note in his tone. Inuyasha sat down beside her and continued, "Kagome, why are you crying? Did I really hurt your feelings?" Kagome's eyes widened in shock, then narrowed in anger.

"No!" Kagome shouted, jumping up. "I'm not crying for you at all! I'm crying because... because... because I can't find Kouga! Geez, Inuyasha, why does everything have to be about you? I'm going to bed! And you can put that fire out yourself!" And she stomped off... Again. Inuyasha scowled, then sighed and laid back on the grass. About an hour later he heard Shippo giggling and laughing to himself in the woods nearby. Grinning mischieviously to himself, Inuyasha went to find him.

When he did, he almost laughed himself. Shippo had rolled around in the mud to make himself black in the night, and he was clutching a small, rectangular bundle in his left hand as he cheered himself on in a little dance. Reaching out, Inuyasha jerked the little bundle out of the fox demon's hands.

"Now, what's this?" Inuyasha asked with mock curiosity. "Shippo, did you steal this?"

"Hey!" Shippo began leaping at the bundle, trying to get it out of Inuyasha's hand. Inuyasha rolled his eyes, holding it just above the smaller demon's reach. Finally, panting and heaving, Shippo grumbled, "Yeah, I stole it! But I'm gonna give it back, I just wanted to know what it is!" Inuyasha looked with true curiosity now.

"Well, let's open it." And with that, he uncovered the item currently under discussion, and neatly threw it at Shippo.

"Shippo!" Inuyasha roared. "This is Kagome's! Why didn't you just _ask_ her what it is? She'd tell _you_!" The small, brown, clasped book laid on the ground.

"Besides," he continued, crossing his arms, "What's so special about that book?"

"It's a diary," Shippo mumbled, as if Inuyasha was a complete moron. "And she won't read it to me."

"So?"

"She always reads her books to me! Why won't she read this one?"

Inuyasha snorted. "Maybe it has _mature content_ or something in it. Why does it matter?" Shippo glared at him.

"I doubt that Kagome would write dirty books, Inuyasha, and she was writing in this one. I wanna know what it says!" Inuyasha peered with renewed interest at the book.

"So this is what she was writing in earlier." Glancing at Shippo, he grimaced, "Well, at least _I_ didn't steal it. But while it's just sitting around in the woods, I suppose we can take a look." Shippo nodded excitedly.

"Okay!" He said, grinning. "You read it; I'm still not used to her writing." Inuyasha rolled his eyes and picked up the small book, opening the clasp as he sat in the grass and Shippo took up position beside him. Then, opening to the first page, he began reading.

"_Dear Diary,"_ he began quietly. "_Today I told Grandpa I was going back to the feudal era. I really miss my friends there; especially Sango and Shippo! Before I left, he gave me this diary. He told me to keep it safe and write in it every night before I go to sleep. When I asked him why, he just said that memories are the best things to remember, and after a while your mind becomes incompetent. Then he started dancing around with a stray cat! Oh, well; I guess you can't pick your family. Anyway, I decided to write in it after all, if just to remember my friends. I don't think I'll be welcome in the feudal area much longer; once we put the Jewel back together, no one will need me anymore. I wonder if they've thought of that. I hope not; Inuyasha already thinks I'm useless. I wonder... If he'd followed Kikyou, would he be happier?"_ Suddenly Inuyasha stopped, finding that he could not go on any longer. His throat was closing up, and Shippo jumping on him didn't help.

"Inuyasha!" Shippo groaned. "Come on! What'd you stop for? It was just getting interesting!" Inuyasha hit Shippo soundly on the head, then stood up.

"That's all there is!" He lied angrily, glaring at the boy. "Now leave me alone! That's all I'm going to read; this is Kagome's personal diary!" And he stomped off, back to his bare cherry tree. However, once there, he sat on his branch, leaning against the trunk and thinking. He tried to think about the demons they had fought that morning, but his thoughts kept straying to Miroku's words and Kagome. Finally, he pulled the small diary out again, deciding to finish the entry he had started. Opening it to the first page, he quickly picked up quietly where he'd left off.

..._ If he'd followed Kikyou, would he be happier? I know he promised not to go after her again, but still, I think that his happiness is more important than if he gets the Jewel shards, and that's the only reason he really needs me. I wish he really didn't need me for that; maybe he'd be more honest to me when I ask him why he wants me around. That way, if he honestly did want me around, he wouldn't have that excuse to hide behind. But, of course, he still does, so I guess it doesn't matter. I just wish that I wasn't so expendable; what if Kikyou's reincarnation from the future comes back to this era? A different one, I mean? Then he wouldn't need me, and he might not even want me around anymore. Life is so confusing, no matter what time period you're in!_

Inuyasha closed the book softly, frowning at the star-filled sky. Slowly, his glance turned downward, toward the hut. He sighed then, seeing that Kagome's light was off. Sango and Miroku had returned while he was reading and now sat on the porch, talking softly. Inuyasha watched the two for a moment, seeing that Miroku was, for once, being respectful and leaving Sango's bum alone. As he watched, Miroku gave Sango a small good-night kiss and made his way inside the hut, leaving Sango on the porch alone, a graceful hand to her lips. Inuyasha sighed again and faced the other direction.

* * *

Thank you so much for reading! I am going to start work on the next chapter soon, I promise! And please review... I don't want to write any more if it's deathly terrible, you know? Yeah. So, please review! It's my first Inuyasha fanfiction. 


	2. Chapter 2

_**The Diary**_

**Encounters**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I affiliated with the owners of, _Inuyasha_

Inuyasha found that he could not sleep well that night. His thoughts continually drifted to the diary, to Kagome's written words, and when he was finally able to drift off he was left with dreams of Kikyou and Kagome, and every so often Miroku would float in with advice for his love life. When he awoke in the morning, hours before dawn, he discovered that he wanted to hit the monk, if just for the dream. As he went hunting, knowing that he could not impose on Kagome to make his food anymore, Inuyasha caught a whiff of something in the distance and stopped to sniff the air curiously. The scent nearly made him run back to the hut, but something more powerful than his word and the thought of Kagome pulled him toward the source. Just the smell of Kikyou made him want to run in two directions at once.

Walking slowly through the woods, Inuyasha fought to control and understand his thoughts. He had promised Kagome that he'd never leave her to find Kikyou again. But at the same time, he wasn't really leaving her to find Kikyou, was he? He had simply picked up her scent while hunting and decided to go see her. Besides, Kagome was safe with Miroku and Sango, and since she was angry with him Inuyasha doubted she'd miss him.

As Inuyasha left the coer of the woods, he was surprised to find himself on the bank of a river. A loud waterfall crashed nearby, and several fish jumped out of the river at random intervals. The waterfall dampened his sense of smell, but Inuyasha could see his goal. She sat on the edge of the river, only ten yards from where Inuyasha stood currently. Her long hair fell to her waist, and she had it thrown over her left shoulder, slowly twisting the thick strands in her fingers. She stared intently at the surface of the quickly flowing river, and her eyes were troubled. Her bow and arrows laid forgotten on the ground a few feet away, as did her hair ribbon. Inuyasha cleared his throat nervously, gaining the priestess' attention.

Slowly Kikyou rose, staring nervously at the half-demon. Then, realizing she was staring, she quickly bent to pick up her abandoned items and began walking toward the falls. Inuyasha hesitantly followed, not knowing what he would say to the woman when he reached her destination. As Kikyou disappeared through the crashing waters of the waterfall, Inuyasha nervously unsheathed the Tetsusaiga, not knowing what was on the other side. Slowly, he followed her.

When he was on the other side of the furious crash of water, Inuyasha shook his long white hair and looked around. Kikyou was tying her hair up as she sat on a large rock in the damp cave. Inuyasha was surprised to find that the cave was more like a small house, with a bedroll and furniture set around the "room". Kikyou even had a mirror in front of the rock she now sat on, and she looked at him through it as she finished with her hair tie. She looked at him intently again, and then sighed.

"Inuyasha," she said in her inhumanly calm tone. "I was wondering where you had been; it's been a while." Inuyasha cleared his throat again.

"Kikyou, how- how've you been?" He looked away, frowning. "I haven't been around because... I made a promise." Kikyou raised an eyebrow. Turning around, she leveled her contemplating gaze on him.

"You promised Kagome you'd stay away from me," she guessed quietly. Inuyasha frowned.

"Not exactly," he mumbled. "I promised her I wouldn't go looking for you and leave her alone." Kikyou laughed quietly.

"Yet you are here," she whispered. "Tell me, what brings you here, Inuyasha? Did you just decide to drop by? How did you find me?"

"I was hunting and smelled your scent, so I decided to come see you. What are you doing here?"

Kikyou fixed him with a hard stare, then stood and walked over to her bedroll, and folded it up to keep it out of the way of her daily chores. "Naraku's death has taken a toll on the world. They are happy and somewhat free now, but they worry. They hear about Kagura's misdeeds everywhere they go, and they know that she has kept the spell on Kohaku using what little link to Naraku she has. They wonder if their own misfortunes will continue on while she lives. How is the monk's hand?"

Inuyasha shrugged. "The Wind Tunnel is gone; he was able to remove the precautions the day Naraku was slain. There have been no repurcussions."

Kikyou looked thoughtful. "Perhaps Kagura's powers are limited to the victims nearby?" Inuyasha shrugged again.

"Whatever the reason, Sango is still quite determined to save Kohaku."

"What about the jewel shard in his back? Will she kill him, in order to save him?" Inuyasha shook his head irritably.

"I don't know! Women are confusing." Kikyou gave him a knowing smile.

"Which women are more so? The ones who care so much about their brother that they shall go to the ends of the earth, or the ones that you love so much you would avoid a past lover for them for months on end?" Inuyasha glared at her for a moment.

"Hey, Kikyou!" He snapped. "I didn't avoid you because I love her, I avoided you because every time I go in search of you she is hurt!"

"Why would you care? Why can't Miroku and Sango watch over her? They are quite competent."

"Because they're not me!" Inuyasha barked angrily. Seeing Kikyou's satisfied smile, he growled, "They have let her be hurt before. She could have died several times. I cannot let her die!"

"Yet you do not love her?"

"She is the one that will help me find and repair the Shikon Jewel," he replied simply. Kikyou raised a contemplative eyebrow. Inuyasha, remembering the diary entry, suddenly felt very tired and drained. "No, that's not it," he mumbled, plopping onto the ground and propping his head on his hand. "I don't know what it is I feel for her, but everyone tells me I love her, and I'm tired of being confused about it." Looking at a slightly shocked Kikyou, he grumbled, "In any case, I shouldn't be here. I'm leaving." And with that, he was through the waterfall and across the river.

Kikyou sat again on the rock in front of her mirror, smiling softly to herself. Inuyasha had finally done it- he had made the jump from rejected lover in denial to new suitor... yet, apparently, still in denial. Kikyou frowned, looking at herself in the mirror. _The reflections of a mirror are all backwards_, she thought to herself. _In this mirror I look alive, healthy, a priestess. But inside I am truly dead, a corpse decaying in it's own skin. And how can a woman reborn still call herself a priestess? _With a sigh, Kikyou found that she envied Kagome. She had been wrong, so many years before, tricked by Naraku. But she would not have a second chance, and now that she saw Inuyasha's true feelings for Kagome, she no longer wanted to. Stretching, Kikyou idly wondered what Kagome felt about this whole situation.

Inuyasha dashed through the woods. He had hunted and eaten, and now he had to get back to camp. As he neared the shelter, he heard voices. Stopping to listen, he felt his stomach drop.

"I don't know where Inuyasha is," Miroku was repying to Sango, confused. "Maybe he went out to hunt?"

"Why would he do that?" Sango asked peculiarly. "Kagome would have fed him. I know they got in a fight last night, but he was so insensitive! He could have waited for ramen, at least until this morning."

"I don't think that's why he's gone," broke in Kagome. Inuyasha frowned. "I mean, that might be part of it... But in that last town, one of the shopkeepers mentioned seeing Kikyou around here. Do you think he...?"

Miroku and Sango made exclamations. "But... but he promised he wouldn't!" Sango cried.

Miroku sighed. "I doubt that's where he's gone, Kagome. After all, he does need you. And he's a man of his word, if nothing else. Please, just consider other options before condemning him; he could simply be out hunting because he did not wish to offend you further by asking for more ramen." Kagome sighed.

"I suppose." Inuyasha slowly backed away, so as not to make any noise. Feeling utterly defeated, he walked around to the other side of the large trunk of the cherry tree, where they could not see him. Sitting down, he wondered what Kagome had written in her diary the night before; he had returned the journal while she was rummaging frantically in her bag after their fight. Finally, his curiosity got the better of him and he crept over to the window of her room, careful not to be seen.

Reaching into Kagome's bag, he found the diary on top and quickly made his escape back to the tree. Opening the small book, he opened the diary to the last entry written, then settled down to read it.

_Dear Diary_, it said, _I think I'm actually going to enjoy getting out of this era. I never thought about it before, but if I stay here there will be problems. I'll just stay long enough to explain my plight to the others, then I'll start on my way back to the well. I'm sure Mom misses me. I feel bad about abandoning the quest for the jewel shards, but I just can't stay. Ever since Inuyasha promised not to go after Kikyou he's been cold and cut off, as if by doing so he determines that I owe him compensation or something. And I hate it! I miss the old Inuyasha, that does weird, drastic things for no reason. The one that always came back, even if he did go after Kikyou. The one that promised to protect me always. Isn't my heart as important as my well-being? I feel like he protects me only as an object, as opposed to a person. I can't stay here when this is all I will feel the whole time; I miss the real Inuyasha so much I want to cry. So I have made up my mind; I'm going home. I'll tell them tomorrow night, and then leave the next morning._

Inuyasha closed the book with a snap. He was embarrassed beyond belief that he felt like crying himself. He jerkily wiped a stray tear from his cheek, angry with his own weakness. Why did Kagome have to leave? If she'd only told him, he would have explained things to her! He would have explained his conversation with Miroku, explain how confused he was... Except, he wouldn't, he suddenly realized. If she had presented all of this to him in person he would have grunted or said _Whatever!_ as usual. He would have pretended he felt nothing for her, for anyone other than himself. Inuyasha knew that was what he would have done, but he didn't like it. And he wouldn't do that now. Standing up, Inuyasha looked around the tree at the porch, where Miroku and Sango had been sitting with Kagome. Unsurprisingly, the monk had squeezed another walk out of the young demonslayer and Kagome sat on her own, staring up at the clouds. With a heavy and nervous sigh, Inuyasha began the seemingly long walk over to the girl.

"Kagome," he said timidly, forcing his hand to stay away from the Tetsusaiga's hilt. "Um... can we talk?" Kagome blinked at him in surprise for a moment, then nodded. Inuyasha sat beside her, careful to hide the diary on his opposite side; he didn't want her to know he had it yet. For a few minutes, neither one of them said anything. The longer he sat in silence, the deeper Kagome's frown became, so that by the time he thought he was ready to begin she looked like she had eaten something rotten.

"Kagome," he began again, clearing his throat. He suddenly had the urge to look at her before he spoke, and therefore messed up; once he was looking into her eyes he found speaking even more difficult. Instead he was fascinated by how much hurt there was in her eyes, pain he had never noticed before. Kagome had gone to great lengths not to let him see it, he knew, but he wished he'd had some sort of idea nonetheless.

"Yes?" Kagome prompted once she was tired of looking at him. "What is it, Inuyasha?"

"Ah..." Inuyasha suddenly had the urge to flee, and almost blew the whole thing off. Then he remembered her plans for leaving and steeled his resolve. Blushing, he looked down at the grass, and said, "I wanted to ask you... if you had any plans for leaving us." Kagome's sharp intake was all the answer he needed.

"Wh- what do you mean?" She asked, trying and failing to sound casual. "We haven't found the jewel shards yet." Inuyasha took a deep breath and pulled out the diary, showing it to the girl and willing her not to be mad. Confusingly, she was quite calm.

"How did you get that?" She asked, staring at the small book. "It's mine. It was in my bag."

"Shippo stole it," Inuyasha replied with a small shrug. "He wanted to know what you were writing about. Then he ran into me and asked me to read it to him." Kagome paled.

"How much did you read?" Inuyasha noticed her shaky voice.

"Not much," he replied. "The first entry and... last night's entry." Kagome stood up, snatching the book from his grasp.

"Don't you have any sense of privacy?" She screamed, glaring at him. "This is my diary! My secrets, my dreams, my wishes-"

"Your plans to leave?" Inuyasha stood as well, glaring back at her. "Kagome, can't we just talk about this?"

"NO!" Kagome yelled as loud as her lungs would allow. "I don't want to! I've gotten pretty good at just pretending I don't need to, and that's what this was for!" Kagome turned on her heel and stomped away. Suddenly turning, she added, "And next time you make me a promise, try to stick to it!" Inuyasha glimsed tears as the girl turned away again, and his heart sank. How did she... ?

"Kikyou came by," Miroku said softly from the shadows of the tree. "She came to talk while you were in the tree; she told us you had been to her cave." Inuyasha chuckled humorlessly.

"Is that right?" He mumbled. "All that talk about me being in denial and she goes and kills it for me. The truth is, I hadn't meant to see her. I ran into her as I was hunting; or, more of, I ran into her scent. And I couldn't help but go see her; but nothing happened. We talked about Naraku, the Wind Tunnel, Kagome's promise, and..." Inuyasha stopped, blushing, as he remembered the last topic. "Kagome." Miroku slowly walked toward him.

"Kagome is hurt," he whispered, his voice carrying slightly on the soft wind. "She has done much to help you. She has risked her life, traveled a long way, spent much time away from home. All that work and her only payment is unrequited love. She does not want to leave; you know that. She wants you to love her, and sometimes one thinks that distance will ease the pain of heartbreak." Sourly, he added, "It does not. It only allows you to nurse it by convincing yourself to look at the other potential mates around you." Inuyasha nodded; he knew all too well.

"Miroku," he said in a voice so helpless that it shook the monk, "What do I do? I don't want to lose her." Miroku closed his eyes in remorse and looked at the ground, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Inuyasha, my experiences in this area are not very productive; otherwise I'd have an heir by Sango already. However, in this case I shal try to help you in any way I can." Inuyasha nodded.

"Arigatou."


	3. Chapter 3

_**The Diary**_

**Meditation**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I affiliated with the owners of, _Inuyasha_

"Okay, Inuyasha," Miroku said calmly as he laid his staff on the ground beside the stream. Inuyasha couldn't help but remember that just a mile up the stream was the waterfall where Kikyou had found her cavern home. "Before you can think of anything as impossibly confusing as a woman's heart, you must relax your brain. This excersize is called meditation. Now," Miroku sat on the ground beside his staff and crossed his legs, relaxing his arms with his hands laid softly on his knees. "Sit like this, and relax your body. The first step to relaxing your mind is to begin with your body; always remember that. Once your body is relaxed, you should empty your mind of absolutely anything. With a relaxed mind, everything becomes easier." Inuyasha sighed, but followed suit.

"Now," Miroku said in a barely audible whisper, "Become comfortable. Do not slouch or hunch your shoulders, but relax; feel the comfort of your own skin. It is your temple, yourself; it is your one true haven. Do not think of it as a collection of organs and tissues, think of it as the house of your soul. And relax in it." Inuyasha could feel a slight twitch beginning in his temple.

"Miroku," he growled, "Do you even-"

"Shh!" Miroku snapped. "You are ruining the calming effect of the running freshwater!" Inuyasha sighed and tried to relax his body like Miroku instructed.

"I am sorry, sensei," Inuyasha mumbled. "You are only trying to help." Inuyasha tried to ignore the smirk on Miroku's face at the sound of his newly preferred title.

"It's alright," he replied sagely. "Just try your best." Inuyasha tried his best not to rent Miroku open with his claws.

"Now," Miroku said, softly again, "We wait."

"For what?" Inuyasha had to ask, his heart beating. Was this some sort of Buddhist magic? Inuyasha wasn't so sure about this anymore.

Miroku sighed. "We wait for the calming, soothing sensation of meditation to set in. Then we get to work." Inuyasha nodded; that sounded about right.

So he waited. And waited. He tried to completely relax his body, but he kept being interrupted: his ear would itch, so he'd scratch it, or he'd have to swipe an annoying insect away from his face. Finally, after the fifth mosquito met its death, Miroku threw his hands in the air in exasperation.

"Inuyasha!" He exclaimed. "No wonder Kagome thinks you're a complete hothead! You have no patience, which is vital in this excersize!"

Enraged, Inuyasha retorted, "Then excersize something else! I don't want to sit for hours on the hard ground, trying to make myself calm! My butt hurts, and all these stupid insects are driving me crazy!" Miroku shook his head angrily and stood up.

"Inuyasha," he said sadly, collecting his staff from the ground, "You are hopeless. You love Kagome, and she loves you. The only thing in the way is your bad temper, and until you can learn to calm yourself, there it will stand in all its bloodstained glory." And with that he was gone.

"Stupid monk," Inuyasha grumbled. "No idea what he's talking about. None at all."

"He's right," came a whispy voice. Inuyasha jumped as Kikyou came walking silently from the forest, her bow in hand. "By practicing meditation you can calm yourself, and clear your mind of all the clutter of excessive thoughts, therfore leaving you free to explore all the answers to an important problem." Inuyasha frowned.

"Since when do you know so much about meditation?" Kikyou smiled an empty smile.

"Since I became a priestess," she replied simply, taking the spot of ground that Miroku had vacated. "Maybe it will be easier if I instruct you."

Inuyasha's senses went on full alert as Kikyou took his hands in hers and held them softly between them.

"Relax, Inuyasha," she whispered. He noticed that she used the same calming, quiet voice as Miroku had, only hers actually effected him the way it was supposed to; his shoulders fell and his arms became limp as he found comfort in the familiar smell of his ex-lover. "Try to relax your every muscle, every tissue. Think yourself into your most treasured, comfortable place to be..." Inuyasha allowed his mind to wander through his memories, shifting through the many places he had been. He finally realized that he had no one place of comfort; rather, it was wherever Kagome was. Or wherever he and Kikyou had been together, in that past life.

"Good," Kikyou's voice floated over to Inuyasha on a light breeze. "You're doing great, Inuyasha; now we can work on uncluttering your mind." Inuyasha nodded slightly, careful to keep his neck as loose as possible.

"What is your problem?" Kikyou whispered. "Think about it to yourself. Erase all other thoughts; nothing is as important as this problem. It is more important than life itself. Clear away all other thoughts and ideas..." Inuyasha did as she told him to.

_Please_, he thought to himself intensely. _Please, I need to know what to do! I need to figure out what it is with Kagome... I love her... I want her to love me back... Please... I need her to love me back... _

"You're doing great, Inuyasha," Kikyou whispered. "Now... think of what you could do..."

Suddenly his mind was blank and all concentration was lost.

After trying to regain it for a couple of minutes, Inuyasha sighed and opened his eyes.

"I lost it," he mumbled embarrassedly to the intensely staring Kikyou, casting his eyes to the ground.

"Inuyasha," she replied in an oddly curious tone, "Where did you think of?"

Inuyasha shrugged. "Not where, exactly. Just pretty much in the company of Kagome." Kikyou nodded.

"Do you know that I have gotten up to relieve myself three times since we began?" Inuyasha started.

"You did?" Kikyou nodded.

"I did. And I also had to chase away a small fox that was trying to nibble your haori."

Inuyasha grimaced. "It's always a fox."

"Yes," Kikyou replied with a humorlous smile. "I suppose it is."

Looking oddly at Kikyou, Inuyasha sighed. "Thank you," he said softly. "So much, Kikyou. You helped me a lot today."

Kikyou shrugged and stood up, grabbing her bow on the way up. Inuyasha followed.

"Stop being so grateful," Kikyou replied seriously. "It's not like you." Inuyasha grinned.

Taking her hand, Inuyasha grabbed her and pulled her into a short, rough hug. When he released her, she bade him farewell and went off to her cave, leaving Inuyasha to himself and the river.

Suddenly an all-too-familiar scent reached his nose and he spun on his heel.

"Inuyasha?" Kagome stood at the edge of the woods, staring at him in disbelief. Suddenly she spun around and ran back through the woods.

"Kagome!" Inuyasha ran after her, quickly scooping up the Tetsusaiga as he did. In the woods he tried to catch up with her, but found it to be quite difficult; she was smaller and more flexible, so the large branches of the trees didn't bother her as much. Inuyasha, however, could not avoid them as easily, and he didn't want to waste time by cutting them.

"Leave me alone, Inuyasha!" Kagome called. The youkai was hurt to hear tears in her voice. "I don't want to see you right now! I'm going home tomorrow morning!" Inuyasha stopped dead in his tracks, staring at her retreating back, and was soon left alone in the woods, dusk beginning to settle around him.

Then, in a fit of fury, Inuyasha threw the Tetsusaiga into a nearby tree; it passed halfway through the trunk and then stood quivering. Pressing his hands against his face, he slumped onto the ground. He had spent all day trying this whole "meditation" thing for Kagome, and in one ill-considered move destroyed any chance he had of fixing things. Inuyasha sat for a few minutes wallowing in misery, then stood and retrieved his sword. _Well,_ he thought irritable to himself, _I suppose I'll just have to change her mind before tomorrow morning._ And with that, he strode purposefully back to camp.

* * *

Yes. So. Sorry it took so long, I've been busy with work and such. So, please review! 


	4. Chapter 4

_**The Diary**_

**Changes**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I affiliated with the owners of, _Inuyasha_

"Inuyasha," Miroku said warily, staring in disbelief at the hanyou, "What on earth are you doing?"

Inuyasha growled at him in reply and continued to scrub behind his ears in the stream. Miroku tried again.

"Inuyasha, it's midnight," he sighed, sitting on a rock by Inuyasha's clothes. "Kagome and Sango are worried. Even Shippo's less flamboyant than usual. Will you please come back to camp?"

"Not until I'm clean," Inuyasha grumbled. Miroku raised his brows in surprise.

"Clean?" He asked in disbelief. "You want... to take a bath? Is that what you're doing?"

"What does it LOOK like I'm doing, moron?" Inuyasha barked. "Excersizing?"

"But... why?" Miroku was baffled. "You hate bathing. Generally you make excuses not to bathe, and instead Kagome has to trick you into a hot tub of soap and water."

"I know!" Inuyasha snapped. With a sigh, he continued, "I know. But I'm trying to change."

Frowning, Miroku asked hesitantly, "Change what? Inuyasha, you're worrying me."

"Change everything!" Inuyasha yelled irritably. Suddenly he roared in pain as his claws got in the way of his frenzied scrubbing and he made a gash in his left ear. As he quickly cleaned the cut with cold water, he mumbled to Miroku, "Change everything that makes Kagome want to go home. And if that means changing my entire being, so be it." Miroku sat speechless on the rock as Inuyasha dried off and put his clothes back on. "Tell the others not to worry, I'm just out thinking. I need to decide what to do. And if I'm not back by the time Kagome is ready to leave, please ask her to wait. If she has to go I at least want to say good-bye." And with that, Inuyasha walked silently into the woods, leaving his Tetsusaiga with Miroku, who glanced warily at the weapon before looking again at the place his friend had disappeared into. Shaking his head, he picked up the sword and his staff and began the hike back to the camp, dreading what was to come.

"What do you _mean_, he's not coming back tonight?" Kagome asked in distress. "And he left his Tetsusaiga with you? Why?" Sango only stared at Miroku, who sighed.

"He said he needs to think. Kagome," Miroku took the young girl's hand in his, "please don't go looking for him. He's... upset."

Kagome snatched her hand away and stood up. "I'm not even allowed to go see if he's alright? What if it rains? What if some dangerous demon attacks him? He left the Tetsusaiga here, Miroku, and all you can say is that he's _upset_?"

"Kagome, I know!" Miroku said angrily, his nerves frazzled. Kagome stopped talking; Miroku could be very frightening when he was mad. "Please stop ranting at me! Inuyasha's a capable young hanyou, so don't pretend to be so worried! You just want him here because you feel unsafe, isn't that right? Inuyasha is going on some insane mission to change everything about himself to keep you from leaving and all you can do is scream at me because I let him go! You didn't see his face, you don't know how utterly helpless and destroyed he was. Kagome, just go pack your things and sleep; you need the rest." Miroku stood up and walked to Inuyasha's cherry tree, taking the Tetsusaiga with him.

Kagome collapsed on the small porch of the hut beside Sango, dropping her head to her hands. Sango reached out and put an arm around her shoulders.

"What have I done?" Kagome whispered.

"Oh, Kagome, he didn't mean half of what he just said," Sango said soothingly. "He's just upset. Miroku doesn't like to show it, but he worries about Inuyasha all the time, and when Inuyasha does something irrational he worries more. He's just scared that Inuyasha will go off and do something to get himself hurt, and since he left the Tetsusaiga here, the only protection he'll have is himself and the Robe of the Firerat. Please try to understand." Kagome sniffled.

"It's all my fault, Sango," she whispered, crying. "Miroku's right. I just want Inuyasha around because he makes me feel safe. I don't want him around Kikyou because I'm afraid he'll change his mind and decide he still loves her and realize that I'm just a pathetic little girl who can't even kill a demon correctly!" Sango sighed and pulled Kagome over to rest on her shoulder.

"Kagome, even if he did still love Kikyou, Kikyou cannot love him back. You worry too much! Kikyou is too deep in grief and confusion about why she is still here, even if she's not truly alive. She is wary of Inuyasha because she never honestly learned to trust him again after Naraku's deception, and he knows that. It hurts him, but he is able to go on. Kagome, before recently, it's been about six months since he'd seen her. You know that, because he hasn't left your side. Why would he do that if not to choose you over the priestess?"

Kagome dried her face. "I just can't handle it," she admitted. "I thought I could handle him, but I was wrong. I thought I could make him love me for me, not because I'm Kikyou's reincarnation, but he won't even come back to camp to tell me good-bye before I leave." Looking at the ground, she added sadly, "Maybe I should just leave now and be a burden from his shoulders. I mean, why wait for morning? If I leave now I can be home in time for breakfast, and then I can go to school." Sango said nothing for a moment, then spoke extremely quietly.

"If that's truly what you think is best, maybe you should," she whispered so that Kagome could barely hear. Kagome nodded and went inside to gather her things.

Inuyasha wandered into the clearing around their camp, utterly exhausted. After a long night of thinking, he had come to the decision that no matter what, he couldn't let Kagome leave. He would do anything it took to keep her here, even if it meant giving up the search for the jewel shards. Kagome was more important than becoming a youkai. As he reached the cherry blossom tree, he found the Tetsusaiga flung on the ground beside it. Wearily he picked it up, making a mental note of Miroku's disregard for his sword. Looking around through bleary eyes, he noticed that something was off entirely. Usually at this time in the morning Sango and Kagome were awake and making breakfast while Shippo looked for small branches to feed the fire. Miroku would be harrassing Sango, and Inuyasha himself would generally be a useless lump somewhere nearby. _Not anymore_, he thought stubbornly to himself. _I'll be a whole new hanyou, helping Kagome with whatever she wants._

Slowly he made his way to the hut, deciding they must be sleeping late in preparation for the impending journey which Inuyasha hoped to stop. Reaching the porch, he found one of Kagome's arrows lying broken by the delapidated steps. Gently picking it up, he sighed; she'd need more soon. Bringing it with him to ask her if she needed him to make her any more, he opened the door of the small hut to irregular snores. Moving into the first room silently, he found Miroku asleep with his head in Sango's lap, who leaned against the wall. Shippo and Kirara lay curled up together at Sango's hip; all four slept uneasily. Quietly, so as not to wake them, Inuyasha continued on to what he knew to be Kagome's room.

Slowly Inuyasha opened the door, but it somehow made a creak anyway. Hoping he had not woken Kagome, he continued to open the door. Suddenly he heard movement behind him; he had awoken Miroku, who sat up and rubbed his eyes sleepily. Seeing Inuyasha, he gasped.

"Inuyasha, no!" He said, trying to hurry up. "I can explain, but first you need to-"

It was too late. Inuyasha had opened the door to Kagome's room to find it empty, devoid of both Kagome and her belongings. Sadly, the hanyou turned to look at Miroku.

"I guess I was too late," he whispered before passing out from fatigue. Miroku approached him to find that Inuyasha was much worse than he'd ever seen him before; his left ear was still bloody, his long white hair matted from sweat and full of brambles. The Robe was fine, but his feet had several small cuts in them and his hands and claws were caked with dried blood, which Miroku assumed was from a demon who had tried to attack him as opposed to his dinner, as he looked as though he had not eaten at all since Miroku last saw him. His closed eyes twitched in disgruntled sleep, and he had a fever. His entire body shook and sweated.

Miroku woke Sango, who helped him to move Inuyasha into Kagome's old room, and then Sango went to start a fire to boil water as Miroku undressed Inuyasha and cared for his minor wounds, wrapping the major ones in clean bandages that Kirara brought him. Once he was done with that he wrapped Inuyasha in a thick blanket, and Sango brought him a cloth boiled in hot water to place on his forehead. As Miroku watched, Sango fanned his hair out behind him and began picking out the leaves and twigs, then used a bowl of water to wash the blood from his hands. By this time some of the color had returned to Inuyasha's face and he began to breathe normally again. Miroku tried to feed him a light broth, but Inuyasha wouldn't swallow, and ended up choking on it. The only thing he would take in was water, and that only in small amounts.

After Inuyasha's fever had gone down some, the exhausted Miroku and Sango left Shippo to watch over him and went outside to make something for themselves to eat. Sitting on the porch, Miroku rubbed tired eyes.

"This isn't right," he mumbled. "It's not even noon yet and already I'm tired enough to sleep for a week."

"I agree," Sango admitted. "How could Inuyasha allow himself to fall into such a state? I've never seen him like this before."

Miroku looked at the old planks of the porch and frowned. "His heart has never been so damaged. Even Kikyou couldn't do this to him, and I think that he knows that. The knowledge taunts him." Looking up at Sango, he added, "There's not much to live for if the woman you love doesn't love you back. Life is empty without her in it." Sango blushed and looked down.

"Miroku," she murmured. "We've talked about this. I can't bear your child, Miroku; it wouldn't work." Miroku stared into her eyes, not letting her get away; not this time. He was afraid of ending up like his friend inside.

"Why not?" Miroku asked. "The Wind Tunnel is gone now, so there is no rush to have children. I'd love to have children, of course, but only with you, and only when you're ready. Please, Sango, why do you detest me so? Have I not learned to respect you? Have you not realized that I'd do abything for you?"

Sango shook her head slowly, and opened her mouth to speak. It took a few minutes, but the words finally came. "Miroku, I love you," she said quietly. "But I'm so afraid. I'm afraid that this is only a dream, that when I wake up Naraku will still be tormenting the world and you'll still be under the curse of the Wind Tunnel. I'm afraid that I'll give you a son and then you'll die when he turns ten. I'm afraid that I'll lose you, and I don't want to take that chance!" Sango tried to stop the tears filling her eyes, but it was a futile attempt; they rained down like a summer storm and she felt helpless and pathetic.

Miroku reached out to wipe a small tear from her chin. "You think I'm not afraid?" Miroku asked softly. "I've been terrified ever since I met you that I'll never be able to win your heart and I'll die a lonely old monk in a temple with other old monks who've never been loved by the ones they love. I've been scared witless that I'd only have ten blissfull years with you, but that sounded like a dream compared to never having you at all! And now the curse is broken, and I'm so scared that it'll disappear and the hope I have for a long, bright future with you will be gone." Sango wiped more tears from her eyes.

"Sango," Miroku said softly, turning to face her, "Will you do me the pleasure of becoming my wife?" Sango stared at him with big brown eyes and hiccupped. Miroku smiled, making Sango giggle.

Clasping his hands in hers, she replied, "Miroku, if I said no I'd be condemning myself to a life of pain." Miroku's eyes filled with light and he pulled Sango into a tight embrace, happiness filling his very being. Sango clung to him and laughed as she cried, wrapped deeply in his arms. Miroku raised her head to kiss her deeply as he placed a small golden ring with a diamond set in it into her finger.

Inside the hut, Inuyasha awoke, scaring Shippo so badly he jumped.

"Kagome!" Inuyasha said, sitting up. "Where is she? How'd I get here? I don't remember anything but being cold and lost and thinking of how to keep Kagome with me." Shippo tried to make the hanyou lie back down, but to no avail; Inuyasha got up and dressed and went in search of Miroku. As he walked by a window, he heard soft voices and laughter outside. Peering out, he saw Miroku and Sango, both very tired but elated, curled up on the porch, trading soft words and light kisses. Seeing a flash of light, Inuyasha spotted a ring on Sango's finger, and knew that he couldn't go out there. If Miroku had finally convinced Sango to marry him, Inuyasha didn't want to spoil it by demanding to know where his love was. It didn't matter, anyway; he knew where he could find Kagome.

Striding back to the room he had woken up in, Inuyasha passed the babbling Shippo in silence. Picking up the Tetsusaiga, Inuyasha quietly stole through a window at the back of the hut. Quickly and decisively, he strode to the edge of the forest and then into it in the direction of the Bone Eater's well.


	5. Chapter 5

_**The Diary**_

**Home**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I affiliated with the owners of, _Inuyasha_

Inuyasha crept silently toward the well in the scarce moonlight. Looking around furtively, he made sure that no one had seen him. He at least wanted a head start on Miroku and Sango, who would undoubtedly try to stop him. After all, he was going to make Kagome change her mind. Suddenly the hanyou bent over almost double, one clawed hand to his chest. Ever since he had stayed out in the woods all night, during the winter no less, and left his Tetsusaiga with Miroku, a vulnerability that demons took advantage of, he had been in large amounts of pain. He knew that he should not have gone after Kagome so soon after being ill, but he couldn't stand the thought of losing her forever.

Quickly, before anyone could appear, he ran to the Bone Eater's well, a jewel shard clutched in one hand. He had been afraid that Kagome would have taken them with her, but was comforted when he saw that she had left them with Miroku. All but one, which she must have taken as a token; after all, she didn't need one to get through the well. Did she? Inuyasha couldn't remember; his mind was still a little fuzzy.

As he leapt into his destination, light surrounded him; in moments he found himself in the bottom of a strange, yet familiar, well. Jumping from it, he looked around; he remembered every detail of Kagome's home perfectly. Leaving the small shed-like building, Inuyasha found himself in a moonlit yard. Striding purposefully across it, he headed for the back door to the house, stopping only when he heard Kagome's voice. It was coming from a room with a window open to the yard, and she seemed to be having a conversation with her family and a guest. Silently, Inuyasha snuck over to the wall, just close enough to be able to hear.

"I'm so happy you're home, Kagome!" Inuyasha could hear Kagome's guest exclaim; it was a boy. Inuyasha felt a strange sensation in his stomach.

"Yes, thank you," Kagome replied in a guiltily pleased tone. "I'm happy to be back from- er- my Aunt Hitomi's country cottage, as well. But the doctor said I'm much better now, so I won't have to go back."

"Ever?" His voice was oddly strangled

Kagome laughed. "Now, Takeshi, you'll make me arrogant yet. No," her voice softened here, "I'll never have to go back. Ever. There is nothing for me to gain by going back."

"Um... Kagome?"

"Oh! Sorry, heheh, lost in thought. Now, where were we? ..."

Inuyasha left the wall and changed his path's course. If he wanted to win Kagome back, he couldn't force her to leave. Not when she truly wanted to be here. Instead of heading for the door, he cut swiftly across the yard to the gate and used the small path to the street.

_All right, Inuyasha_, he thought determinedly to himself, _You can do this. How hard can it possibly be for a half-demon to fit in with stupid humans? They'll never know how different I am. And while I'm here, being clever and earning Kagome's heart back, I can try to figure out what is so very important about this era._

Kagome laughed along with her friends as she walked down the street.

"Yes, Sora, I promise I'll be at your party Saturday!" She said as Sora pouted at her.

"Just making sure," she replied stoutly. "It just seems as though every time I plan something you disappear to your aunt's cottage. What is so unhealthy about you again?"

"Ah, it's all the, um, people. I get somewhat chlostrophobic every now and then. No big deal."

"Sure." Kagome sighed.

"Hey!" Sora exclaimed.

"What is it?"

"Who's that new guy over there?" Sora exclaimed, grabbing onto Kagome's shoulder and pointing at the bookstore. "I've never seen him before, but he looks so familiar!" Kagome peered through the window, where only her boy-crazy friend could have spotted the new employee.

And nealy passed out.

"Oh, um, I don't know," she replied, somewhat breathless. "Hey, I just remembered, have you typed your essay for Sensei Ayame's class?" Sora smacked herself in the forehead.

Groaning, she replied, "No, I forgot. I guess I'd better go home and do that." Pouting, she ran off toward home. "Talk to you later, Kagome!" Kagome waved, then took a deep breath.

Mentally steeling herself, she walked into the bookstore, looking around for any customers before barging up to the counter.

A tall, thin (yet oddly muscled) young man stood behind the counter, looking at a manga book. His long white hair was pulled back in a ponytail and he wore a plain black beanie on his head. His canine teeth were vampire-sharp and his pupils somewhat slitted, but he managed to conceal those facts by keeping his mouth tightly closed and his eyes downcast. He also wore gloves and a strange beaded necklace, and Kagome had to wonder why the owner of the store would allow such a shady character to work there.

"Inuyasha!" Kagome hissed, slamming her hands on the countertop. "What are you doing here?" The young man looked up at her and gave a tiny smile.

"Hello, Kagome." Kagome only glared harder at him. Inuyasha sighed. "I came to find out what's so special about this era. Why you wanted to come back here so badly without even saying god-bye."

Kagome blushed and growled angrily at him, "You are the one who wouldn't come back to camp, remember?"

Inuyasha twitched to the side, looking quite intently at a nearby shelf of magazines. "I told Miroku to tell you I'd had to think about... things. And to come get me before you left if I wasn't back yet." Glaring back at her, he asked coldly, "Why didn't he, I wonder?" Kagome's jaw dropped. Inuyasha could be rude, that was true, but now he looked like he only wanted to destroy her, like... well, sort of like he looked at Sesshoumaru.

"I didn't stop him!" Kagome replied angrily. "Sango did; she said that it was none of your business if I felt it was time for me to go home. You know how Miroku is, he practically cheered her decision on!" Inuyasha frowned at Kagome, this time in confusion.

"You..." Inuyasha began hesitantly, "You didn't agree with her decision? You wanted Miroku to find me?" Kagome shrugged, a pained look in her eyes.

"If that was what it took to see you one last time, I was content." Kagome turned and headed back toward the door to the small shop. Stopping just before it, she half-turned to Inuyasha once more. "Inuyasha," she whispered. "Please. Go home. You don't belong here; if they see your ears or someone gets a closer inspection of your ears, you'll be in trouble."

"I won't leave without you." His voice was soft, but firm. Kagome shook her head.

"My home is here. Yours is not. I'm sorry." And with that, she was gone, leaving the hanyou to stare blankly at the door in thought.

Kagome entered her house happily, greeting her mother on her way to the room.

"Oh, Kagome," her mom added as she passed, "Takeshi called. He wants to know if you'd be willing to go out to dinner Friday night; I told him it was fine with me if you wanted to go." Kagome's shoulders drooped.

"Thanks, Mom." As she slowly padded her way to her room, she tried to contemplate why she felt so reluctant to take him up on the offer. Takeshi was a great guy; he was always polite, and very handsome. But he was so... immature. He constantly needed Kagome to let him know he was in her good graces. But since her mom had already told him it was okay, it would have been an insult to refuse. With a sigh, she picked up the phone in her room as she dropped her bag on the floor by her bed.

Dialing Takeshi's number, she began pulling her books out of her bag to do her homework. Takeshi answered on the second ring.

"Unozomi residence," he said.

"Hey, Takeshi," Kagome said, struggling to find the correct page in her math textbook. "It's Kagome."

"Kagome! Hey! Did your mom give you my message?" Kagome suppressed a sigh.

"Yes, she did."

"Well, will you go to dinner with me on Friday? I mean, I know this is probably sudden, but... I really like you."

"Um, sure. Where will we be going?"

"I thought we could try out that nice place over by the park. Is that okay with you?" Kagome gripped the phone; that "nice place over by the park" was the most expensive restaurant in the area!

"Are you sure?" She asked, trying to sound polite. "I mean, I've heard it costs a lot of money..."

"Well, yeah, but I figured it was worth it. So will you go, or do you want to go someplace else?"

"I'll go..."

"Yes! I'll pick you up at six then! See you tomorrow!" The line went dead before she could even say good-bye.

Kagome sighed as she placed the phone back on the cradle. It was going to be a long day, and an even longer week.

It was evening before she finished her homework.

"Kagome?" Her mother was in the doorway with a peculiar look on her face. "There's a strange boy here to see you. Will you come down?" Kagome nodded, guessing who it could be.

When she arrived at the bottom of the stairs, she saw Inuyasha sitting uncomfortably at the table in the kitchen area with her grandpa.

"Um, hello," Kagome said quietly. She wasn't sure what Inuyasha was going by, because he didn't even unveil himself to her relatives, who he'd met before. Inuyasha looked up and smiled, then asked her family if they would allow a small walk through their backyard. Of course, they agreed.

After a few moments of silence in the darkness, Inuyasha spoke.

"Have you reconsidered your decision, Kagome?"

"No."

Inuyasha's carefully concealed hands twitched. "Will you reconsider?"

"No."

Inuyasha glared at her before continuing. "Will you at least tell me why you decided to leave?"

"I have no reason to stay there any longer."

"BULL!" Inuyasha turned to glare at her fully, his eyes full of anger. For a moment, Kagome was actually frightened. "Kagome, you know you left because you were angry with me! That hug meant nothing, and you know it! I was by the stream with Kikyou because-" Inuyasha suddenly remembered exactly why he'd been there and abruptly cut himself off.

Waiting a few minutes for him to continue, Kagome raised her eyebrows. When no more was forthcoming, she said quite clearly, "You were continuing an affair."

Inuyasha stared at her in shock.

"I was...?" Inuyasha tried to put the pieces together, but he was just too confused.

"You were, weren't you?" Kagome had tears in her eyes now, and Inuyasha felt like a jerk.

Again. For about the millionth time.

"No," Inuyasha replied slowly. "I really don't know what you are talking about. I was with her because she was helping me to mediate." Kagome frowned visibly.

"Meditate?" Inuyasha nodded. "Why would you need to meditate?"

She was surprised by the blush that crept across his cheeks. "Well..."

"Spit it out, Inuyasha."

"Miroku told me that in order to... figure out a problem I'm having, I should clear my mind. But when he tried to teach me how to meditate, he was very impatient and got angry very easily, so he left. Once he was gone, Kikyou came by and offered to finish the lesson." Inuyasha sighed and sat down on the soft grass, gently removing his gloves and hat. Kagome's attention was caught by a patch of darkness of his otherwise light head.

"Inuyasha," she asked curiously, "what happened to your ear?" Inuyasha jumped and covered the offending ear with a hand, but it was too late. Kagome removed his hand and looked at the cut with a deepening frown.

"Did you clean this?" She asked sternly. Inuyasha nodded. "With what?"

"Water," he mumbled in reply. Kagome shook her head.

"It's going to get infected."

"I don't care."

"But you might lose your ear!"

"So?"

"Inuyasha!" Kagome said frustratedly. "Why can't you at least think about the consequences of your actions once in a while?"

"I did!" Inuyasha replied irritably.

"Which actions, because they clearly weren't made in concern of your health!"

"They were made in the concern of losing you!"

The entire back yard was silent. Inuyasha didn't dare look at Kagome, and she was simly too stunned.

After a while, Inuyasha explained bitterly, "I accidentally clawed myself while scrubbing my ears in the stream. I was trying to change, to be a better hanyou. I was trying to keep you from leaving. Miroku was nagging me, and I lost my patience. I jerked too hard around and caught myself. Then I was so mad I just kept walking through the woods."

"When did you get back to camp?" Kagome's voice was soft, barely audible.

"Late in the morning. I don't really remember it, but Shippo told me before I left that I ambled in like a drunkard. I'd been awake and half-mad all night, and I headed straight through the hut to the room you'd been in. Miroku tried to stop me; he knew I was too unhealthy. But, of course, I ignored him." This last statement was so bitter that it even stung Kagome.

"Why did it take you so long to get here, then?"

Inuyasha remained silent. Kagome glanced at him sideways. He was staring blankly at the wall of the house. After a few moments, he spoke.

"I was sick. I had not eaten, slept, or drunk since I'd left Miroku. I'd spent the night wandering aimlessly through those wretched, cold, demon-ridden woods, and had to fend of a few with my bare hands. I'd refused to rest or sit, and so by the time I arrived back at the camp, I was very sick. Miroku'd had to carry me to a pallet in your room and wrap me in blankets while Sango cleaned me up. From what Shippo told me, I was a mess; twigs in my hair, blood all over me. I don't remember any of it. But I remember dreams." Inuyasha stared searchingly at the sky.

Kagome asked tentatively, "What were your dreams about?"

Inuyasha looked at her with great pain, and Kagome found herself wondering if she wanted to know after all. But then Inuyasha was hurriedly replacing his hat and gloves, and stood once more beside Kagome.

"Dreams are dreams. But right now, we must go back; your family is worried." Kagome allowed Inuyasha to guide her back to the house.

"By the way," he added, "My name for now is Chiaki." Kagome nodded wordlessly.

(Ruler not working XP) Yes, so, we made it to the fifth chapter. Woohoo! It's amazing. I figured this wouldn't work out. But anyway, so things are starting to calm down between the two. Or are they? It's almost like they're all calm and stuff, but they're still angry with each other. I know that sounds funky, since I'm the one writing it, but let me explain something: I'm not writing this. I'm merely a channel. Well, technically, I am, but it's like it writes itself with my hands, you know? Odd. Very. But whenever I try to write something, it's crap, so I just write what pops into my head. I think I'll try the chapter-by-chapter system with my other stories; it's working well for me. Anyway, review please! Thank you for reading!


	6. Chapter 6

_**The Diary**_

**Reunions and Farewells**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I affiliated with the owners of, _Inuyasha_

Inuyasha woke up early the next morning. Quietly he stole out of the room that his boss was renting to him in his house; as he left through the back door he picked up his Tetsusaiga. Warily and stealthily, the young man snuck through back yards and deserted lanes to get to his destination. Finally, he could see it: Kagome's house.

Jumping over the back fence, the rising sun at his back, Inuyasha landed softly on the grass. Today he wore no disguise; he had replaced it with his usual Robe of the Fire Rat. He snuck quietly around to the well and looked in. It just looked like a plain old decrepit well, full of nothing but dust and grime, as it undoubtedly had for many centuries now. Inuyasha sniffed it longingly, then turned and walked to the back door. He leaned against the wall and closed his eyes, waiting.

Sure enough, it took only a little while longer for Kagome to come bounding out, carrying a large green bag over one shoulder. She ran past the hanyou, taking no notice of him, for which he was grateful. He watched the small girl as she jumped into the well, and he knew that in a flash of light she was back in his era. And era he missed. Quietly, he followed her.

"Miroku!" The monk jumped at the angry voice, twisting around violently to see where Kagome had come from so suddenly. He was kneeling by the stream near the oddly empty camp, behind a bush, cleaning his face. "Where are you, you treacherous monk?" Miroku stood up and beamed at Kagome.

"Ah, the bright ray of sunshine is back!" Miroku teased. "What brings you here again, ladydove?" Kagome glared at him.

"Miroku, why didn't you come get me?" Miroku was honestly stunned.

"Come get you? Why?"

Kagome stomped a foot. "Because of Inuyasha! He was sick! He still is, but he can't tell; he keeps saying things he doesn't mean! He's rented a room in my own era and is working in a bookstore! He hides his ears and claws and teeth, and pretends he's shy so he won't have to look people in the eye! You should have come for me when you realized how sick he was!" Miroku shook his head.

"No, he's not," he replied. "Inuyasha is no longer sick; not the way you seem to think, Kagome. He was very ill, but his fever broke long before I trusted Shippo to watch him alone, and all he needed was rest. Which he got plenty of. He probably means everything he says, and is hurt when you don't believe him. But why are you asking me? You should interrogate the naughty child, not the tricked babysitter." And with that, he turned and strode calmly back to the hut, where Sango was waiting.

"I wish I had," Kagome murmured in a whisper.

"You still can," came the low, somewhat growl-like response from behind her. As Kagome whirled to find Inuyasha behind her, he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her into a tight embrace. "I'm sorry, Kagome. I didn't mean to hurt you. I never meant to hurt you."

"I know," she replied, twining her fingers in his long hair. "I'm just so scared... that you'll realize I'm only a young girl, and that the love of a beautiful priestess would be preferable to the love of a pathetic little schoolgirl." Inuyasha laughed softly.

"I did love Kikyou," he replied somberly. "I still do. But the Kikyou I loved is not the Kikyou you know now. When she died she lost her life; when she was brought back she lost her purpose and her soul. I could never love her. Not anymore."

Kagome pulled back, tears trickling down her chin. "Why didn't you come back to camp? I wanted to see you again, even though I was angry. I wanted to apologize, even if it was hard. Even if I never wanted to see you with Kikyou again and it had hurt me, I didn't care. I needed to see you again, to hear your voice. Why didn't you come back?"

"Because I knew that," he replied, wiping a small tear from her cheek. "Because I knew... that if I came back, you'd forgive me again. And that I'd never change, and I'd keep doing it... over and over... until all that would be left of you would be tears and an empty shell. And I couldn't do that to you." Kagome smiled softly.

"I would still be happy," she replied quietly. "I'm always happy and safe with you. No matter what era we're in."

Inuyasha stepped carefully away from Kagome, closing his eyes as if he needed to calm himself. Kagome was forced to release him as he backed away a few feet out of her reach.

"Kagome," he said softly, opening pain-filled golden eyes. "I need you to promise me something." Kagome nodded.

"Anything."

"Go home."

Kagome took a step back out of surprise. "What? N-no! I won't! I won't leave without you!"

Inuyasha sighed. "You promised anything."

"Anything but that!"

"Kagome... you were right. You don't belong here."

Kagome stared at Inuyasha. The words didn't sink in at first, but as they slowly did she began to feel a new sensation... A feeling of deep loss. A promise of sadness for years to come.

"But..." Kagome whispered. "But you just said... you didn't want to hurt me. You said you still don't want to hurt me."

"Kagome, please..."

"If you don't want to hurt me, why are you tearing me up inside?" Kagome was screaming now, and no matter what else Inuyasha did, he refused to let himself hold her until she stopped crying. It would only make things more difficult.

"Kagome, please stop. It's better this way... You can grow old with people of your own time, you can have children with someone your own age, you can see your friends' children and your children go to school together... It wouldn't work. You'd get lonely for company of your own era. You'd want ramen and soup in a can and cookies in little paper bags. We don't have any of that here."

"Come live with me!" Kagome exclaimed, still rather loudly. She knew it wouldn't work, but they could try... "Inuyasha, you could live and work at the bookstore, and your boss would never have to know you're a hanyou, and we can live closer together..." Inuyasha was already shaking his head.

"I'd miss this place and time too much. I'd miss Sango and Miroku and even Shippo. I'd miss the excitement, the fighting... the Tetsusaiga. I wouldn't be able to show it in your time. This is best, Kagome... you know it, and so do I."

Kagome's head jerked to the side, and she stared unseeingly at a nearby flower.

"I suppose you're right. I'll... go back home. After I visit a while. I want... I need... to see Sango and Miroku and Shippo one more time. One last time. And... I need to hear you say good-bye... so... please stay with me until I leave." After one last glance, her eyes full of unshed tears, Kagome walked slowly back to camp. Inuyasha could hear her stop to cry by herself a couple yards from the clearing, in a small patch of berry bushes. He looked back to the stream, at his own reflection. Angrily he threw a stone at it, and the drops that splashed in the air made a light tinkling noise, as if to tease him for his loss. Inuyasha simply let them tease; he knew why he had done what he had.

Even if he hated himself for it.


	7. Chapter 7

_**The Diary**_

**Takeshi**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I affiliated with the owners of, _Inuyasha_

"Kagome! Where are you going? Kagome, wait for me!"

Kagome ignored Sora, keeping her pace and stride the same. She had been in a strange mood ever since she'd come home, and everyone knew it. Some were just more persistent than others. Kagome let a small sigh escape her lips. Ever since she had come home... to her own era... never to see him again. Suddenly Kagome stopped, finding her nose to be mere inches from someone's chest. Blinking, Kagome looked up into Takeshi Unozomi's surprised face.

"Kagome!" Takeshi exclaimed, pleasantly. Kagome tried to clear her head enough to greet him.

"He- hello, Takeshi, how are you today?" Kagome was already trying to subtly sidestep him, to make for a quicker escape when the niceties were over.

"Oh, I'm wonderful, Kagome! I can't wait for tonight!"

"Tonight?" Kagome's brow furrowed in confusion. His tone had implied that she would be in on the pleasure.

"Yes," Takeshi replied, now frowning. "Our date, remember? Dinner?"

"Oh!" Kagome recalled making plans with him now. "Um... what time was that for, again?"

Takeshi's shoulders only dropped a fraction as he replied, "Six o'clock. We're going to Bukawa's Restaurant, remember? I've already gotten the reservations for six-thirty." Kagome nodded, a fake smile plastered to her face.

"Alright, then! I'll see you later, Takeshi, I've got to hurry to school... where are you going, by the way?"

"Um... Kagome, it's a holiday. There is no school today." Drat; she'd forgotten.

"Oh, yeah... Heh heh, I guess I'm a little airheaded today. Well, then, I'll just stop by the park to catch up on some homework, and I'll see you later. Bye!"

Kagome hurried toward her new destination, a pang of guilt resounding in her head. It may have been silly, but she still felt terrible when she looked at Takeshi. He was always so sweet to her, but she could never love him. Not like he wanted her to.

_I'll probably never be able to love again, come to think of it_, she thought idly to herself. _Not since... him._ Kagome's mind instinctively shied away from Inuyasha's name. She had subconsciously decided not to remind herself of him or time spent with him, but so far it wasn't working as well as she'd hoped. She did everything she could to avoid the well in her backyard, the bookstore he had worked at for such a short time, and any artifacts her grandfather had happened to come across. She was in a lot of trouble for neglecting the care of her grandpa's storage room, but it was too painful to spend hours at a time dusting the old swords and statues. It was too... hard.

As Kagome walked silently through the park, she found herself remembering her time spent in Inuyasha's era... not the people, really, but the scenery... The beautiful cherry blossom trees, huge oaks, strange flowers... Everything had been so magical. Here in the park she could still see a tiny smidgen of that magic, but it wasn't so powerful anymore. All the demons were gone, taking their power with them. The trees were much smaller now since they were never allowed to grow for long, and water and air pollution made them sickly.

Finding the largest tree in the whole park, Kagome climbed into its branches and sat as high up as she dared go. Looking out across the park, she found that she could see almost to the street. The small trees and bushes barely created an obstructed view, and for some reason this made her very sad. It felt nice to be back in nature, though, even if it wasn't the nature she loved. Kagome stretched out on a wide branch and leaned against the trunk, getting quite comfortable. As she laid there, she looked up at the cloudy sky and let her mind wander.

Here in the tree, beneath the blue sky of scattered clouds, it wasn't hard to believe that she was back in the feudal era. Imagining that she was waiting for Inuyasha to finish hunting and Miroku and Sango to finish looking for firewood. Shippo would be following Inuyasha around and getting on his nerves, not to mention losing his prey... It was just like it had used to be. As she daydreamed, Kagome lost track of the time. When she next checked the time, it was five fifty-two, and she rushed home.

As could only be expected, she got home late. Waving hurriedly to her mother and Takeshi, who were sitting in the living room talking while they waited on Kagome, she went upstairs to change. Deciding that, even though she didn't want to go and that she'd rather be home, she should dress nicely for the occasion, since they were going to Bukawa's Restaurant. Kagome sighed, striding over to her closet. Opening it resignedly, she looked around at all her clothes and realized that she had only one appropriate kimono. That beautiful kimono... Kagome's heart wrenched with pain as she looked at it. She clearly remembered the kimono that she had gotten... in the feudal era. Kaede had asked a seamstress to make it especially for Kagome from the softest fur of their cattle demons, the night of Naraku's death. _'Well, you can't go to the feast in your school uniform,'_ the old woman had told her, winking in a grandmotherly fashion.

Kagome also remembered the way that _he_ had looked at her. The surprise, then the way he smiled... as if her beauty had nothing to do with the kimono.

Kagome shook her head to clear it of the painful memories. Determinedly, she took the long, elegantly stitched kimono from its hanger and closed her door.

Takeshi was waiting somewhat impatiently for Kagome when he heard her door open again. She had spent a long time up there, and he turned to see if she was sick. Surprise, then adoration mingled with appreciation crossed his face as his date stepped into the living room. Kagome had piled her hair up on top of her head, with a few locks hanging down around her face, curling gently. The kimono she wore was pure white, made of a fabric he didn't recognize, loosened and tightened in just the right places. The sleeves were long and billowed at the ends, like the ancient cultural fashions of feudal Japan, with soft pink hems. The sash was also a light pink, with yellow and green designs of strange, exotic birds and flowers.

Kagome watched Takeshi as he looked her over. The irritability that bubbled inside of her at his roving eyes was only a small fraction of the rage that would have usually been her response to such an action. The mental and emotional pain of being back in the kimono on a date with someone else was keeping her preoccupied at the time, and she had lost all ability to care. Indifferently, Kagome made it through the small talk and pictures that her mother insisted upon, all the while ignoring hints that they'd like to know where she got the kimono. She didn't want to remind her mother of what had happened; ever since everything had happened, she'd been behaving oddly whenever the feudal era was mentioned. Besides, Takeshi wouldn't have believed that was where she'd gotten it.

By the time the couple was in the car, Kagome had said barely six words. She didn't want to go on this date, but to cancel now would be rude and dishonoring; she'd had plenty of time before, now she had only to get through it and refuse all second dates.

As they pulled up to the restaurant, Kagome was glad that she had worn her best kimono; in a sense, anyway. All the other ladies were wearing-expensive looking kimonos and gowns, and some of them weren't much older than Kagome herself. As they went inside and were seated, Kagome found that many people were staring at her. Nervously, she turned to Takeshi.

"Takeshi," she asked quietly, in almost a whisper, "why are they all looking at me? Is there something on my kimono?" Takeshi gave Kagome a smile she'd never seen before, and Kagome could feel her stomach twist in a not-so-friendly way.

Gently fingering a lock of Kagome's soft black hair, he replied in a normal volume, "No, Kagome, they're staring because of what's _inside_ the kimono. They're all jealous of your beauty." Kagome blushed a deep crimson as couples from nearby tables turned to look at the "raving beauty". Takeshi let her hair fall back around her face and sat back, smiling benignly at her. Once the other guests had all turned away, however, he reached across the table for Kagome's hand. Uncomfortably, Kagome pulled her hand back and placed it under the table on her lap.

Takeshi frowned, but the expression was fleeting, so Kagome thought nothing more of it. As the night progressed and they ordered, then ate, their food, Kagome soon discovered that there was a side to Takeshi that she had never known before. Sora had always told her about how handsome the class president was, but Kagome had known that all along. He was handsome; he had soft, dark brown hair that fell somewhat gracefully across his eyes, which were a deep brown. His smile was warm and cautious, and his hands were smooth and soft. But he used his hair as an excuse to gracefully brush his hair out of his face, for a dramatically beautiful effect, and his eyes, as beautiful as they were, were oddly cold. His smile lost its warmth when there were no adults around to impress, and Kagome noticed that he used more hand lotion in fifteen minutes than she did in a day. It was slightly disturbing.

When they were finished eating, Takeshi stood and attempted to help Kagome up in a gentlemanly fashion.

"Would you like to go for a walk?" Takeshi asked, leading the girl outside. "It's a beautiful night, I'm sure the park would be simply sensational."

"Umm..." Kagome faltered. Takeshi was making her nervous, and she was beginning to wonder if this had all been a big mistake. "Actually, I think I want to go home, Takeshi... I'm a little tired." As Kagome looked at him, Takeshi's jaw tightened and he grasped her arm tighter.

"Join me," he insisted in a cold voice that left no room for arguments. Kagome, now fully alert despite the memories from her kimono, decided to do as he told her. Silently she followed him through the parking lot to the trail leading through the yard and into the park.

Once there, he lessened his grip on her arm and slid his hand down to firmly grasp hers. Gently, so that Takeshi wouldn't notice, Kagome tested his grip. It was tight and harsh, and she wished she had decided not to come after all. After walking for a while, Takeshi stopped at a bench and sat down, pulling his date with him.

"It's such a lovely night tonight," he said in a strangely gentle voice. Kagome glanced at him, saying nothing. "The stars are so beautiful... much like yourself, Kagome." Smiling malevolently at her, he leaned forward slowly and kissed her on her fear-stiffened lips. Kagome didn't try to move, but didn't allow him to think he was welcome, either.

After a brief moment, Takeshi sat up again, glaring at Kagome. His hold on her hand tightened painfully, and despite her resolve not to show weakness, she whimpered pitifully. Takeshi smirked and wrapped his other hand around her back, pulling her closer to him. When Kagome was so close that she could taste his breath, he spoke.

"Kagome, you know I've always had feelings for you," he said quietly. "And you also know that as your class president, I can be very... persuasive. I have most of the girls in our class simply fawning over me, and yet... you prevail over my charms. Why is that, Kagome? Am I not handsome enough? Ambitious? Popular? Please, just tell me... and I swear I'll fix it. I need you with me, Kagome."

Kagome grimaced, her anger fueling her courage. "You say you have feelings for me," she spat angrily, "but all you talk about is yourself! Maybe I rise over your _arrogance_ because I know it's all fraud! Or maybe I'm stronger than you know. Whatever it is, I'm glad of it, and I won't take this lightly!" Kagome struggled against his hold, but she hadn't gotten any real exercise since she had come to her own time, and her arms had already been weak.

"Stop fighting me, you insolent wench!" Takeshi growled, gripping her all the more tightly, so that her arms were pinned between their bodies and she had to turn her face away to keep their noses from bumping into each other. From this point, Takeshi had the advantage, and he used it well. Kagome fought as hard as she could, but Takeshi was stronger, and he still had her pinned against him. First he kissed her mouth again after forcing her to face him. When he tried to force her mouth open, she bit him, so instead he allowed her to turn away again. Instead, he kissed her neck, her ear, anything he could reach, while he groped her leg with his free hand. After a while he came up to breathe and gloat.

"Oh, Kagome, you're simply wonderful! It's a good thing you're not very strong, too," he murmured, as tears ran freely down her cheeks. Kagome whispered something that he couldn't hear. "What was that, sweetness? You feel the same way? Well? Speak up, darling, I can't hear you."

Kagome glared at him through her tears and replied quite openly, "I said, 'I hate you'. You hurt me. And as much as you've hurt me, he's still hurt me more. And I hate you for showing me that." Takeshi glowered at her.

"Who is 'he'?" He asked threateningly.

"A wonderful man, more of one than you'll ever be!" Kagome spat back.

"Yes, yes, all very well, but _who?"_ Kagome turned to tell him, but stopped, open-mouthed, staring behind him. "Kagome? Who are you talking about? Who hurt you so much?" Violently he shook her shoulders.

"She is talking," said a very irate voice behind him, as a strong, clawed hand gripped his shoulder tightly, "about _me,_ you friggin' bastard!"

* * *

w00t, little bar thingy is working again!

Ahem. So, yes, I continue with the story... I've been really into this lately, even though I haven't watched the show in a while '. I'm already halfway through chapter 8! So, I would like to take this opportunity to say: THANK YOU!!! Thanks to all you people! Thank you to those who have been keeping up with the story, those who have just begun reading the story, and most of all to those who have critiqued the story, whether you're still reading or not (XP). Just thanks in general, I suppose. Please enjoy!

P.S. Chapter 8 will be up soon.


	8. Chapter 8

_**The Diary**_

**Final Encounters**

Disclaimer: I do not own, nor am I affiliated with the owners of, _Inuyasha_

Kagome could feel it again. Emotions. She hadn't such a string of strong emotions since Inuyasha had told her to go home. At first it was a fast, numbing shock; then it escalated to an explosion of surprise that shattered the comfortable numbness and let the sharp, tantalizing agony in. He was here, standing just before her. Only Takeshi was in the way, and it seemed that he was trying to get away as quicky as possible. He had let go of Kagome, but she stayed where she was; her mind wasn't working well enough to allow her to move.

Meanwhile, Inuyasha was passed the point of furious.

"Hey, man," Takeshi was saying, his voice rattling, "chill out! What's your problem? We were on a date! She was enjoying it!" Inuyasha glanced at Kagome when Takeshi mentioned a date, but otherwise glared at the other boy, baring his lethal fangs. Kagome was just lucid enough to realize that he had come back to her era without a disguise.

"I think it's safe to say," Inuyasha growled, his jaw tightly clenched, "that there is no question about how much she was _enjoying_ it. Enough, I'd say, to want to cry until she dehydrated, or perhaps enough to gouge your eyeballs out. Whichever the case, I feel obliged to stop her... to protect her." Kagome couldn't look at him. She stared unseeingly at the ground through it all.

To protect her? Kagome couldn't imagine why. Maybe he was mad at her for getting herself into trouble again... Or perhaps because he had to save her again. Maybe he wanted to be able to walk peacefully in another's era without having to stop and rescue some pathetic teenage girl who couldn't even keep herself from becoming subject to a male's raging hormones. Whetever the cause of his sudden and unexplainable protectiveness, Kagome was grateful, and yet... she wanted the ground to open up beneath her and swallow her whole.

Inuyasha was staring fixedly at the younger boy. Takeshi was, in turn, staring open-mouthed at the hanyou. Every slight muscle twitch, every angry jerk of his hand, every time his claws extended or his hand reached randomly for the sword hanging at his waist, Takeshi noticed. Inuyasha saw this and sneered.

"Now, I want answers, you little punk," he said angrily. Takeshi nodded. "First off, what gives you the audacity to ask out someone like _Kagome_?" Kagome blushed, embarrassed; why was she not good enough for him? Takeshi shrugged silently, his vocal cords strangled by pure fear. "Secondly, what makes you think you can _force_ her to 'take a walk' with you?" Takeshi merely whimpered. "Thirdly, what makes you think you can touch her, kiss her, _hold_ her, without her permission?" Takeshi didn't even try to respond.

"And lastly," Inuyasha continued, crouching in front of the boy so that they were on eye level and he could see the rage in the hanyou's eyes clearly, "give me one reason why I shouldn't take out the Tetsusaiga and slice you to ribbons for the maggots to eat as you deserve?" Takeshi's eyes widened and he gained power over his vocal cords yet again.

"Please!" He gasped, fumbling as he tried to back away, and only succeeding in bumping into Kagome, who stared at him through eyes blinded by pain. "Please, I beg of you! Let me live! I... I really had no prior intentions of harming the girl, I thought she was truly interested in me! It was pride, and vanity, that made me do it! Please, don't kill me!" Takeshi's voice broke as he slipped off the bench and landed on his knees, his eyes pleading.

"Wrong answer," Inuyasha whispered murderously, raising the Tetsusaiga into the air. As he brought it down toward the object of his anger, Kagome realized what was about to happen.

"No!" She shrieked, leaping from the bench. Her arms wrapped around Inuyasha's forearm, slowing the speed of his downward arc. Inuyasha stopped the sword with scant inches to spare, staring at the girl clinging to his arm, her eyes screwed up tightly and tears running down her cheeks.

"Kagome," the hanyou whispered. Deftly he pulled her to him, wrapping his arms tightly around her as he replaced his sword to its sheath. "I'm so sorry. Does this urchin have any worth to you?" Kagome forced him away, the tears falling faster. His arms at his sides, Inuyasha watched her back away, refusing to look at him.

"No," she replied, "but his death will serve no purpose. Please, just let him live. I promise I won't be of any more trouble to you." Takeshi, sensing his chance to escape, scrambled away, back toward the restaurant.

"'Of no more trouble to me'?" Inuyasha asked. To Kagome's surprise, he was angry.

"I'm sorry!" She cried in aguish. "I didn't mean to make you save me! I thought he was harmless, most guys in this era are, but... I'm sorry you had to protect me again. Please, accept my apology... I know you had no intentions of having to do any real work tonight. I'm sorry for making you feel that you had to." Inuyasha growled, surprising Kagome into looking at him.

His eyes were narrowed angrily, his eyebrows drawn tightly together. His mouth was a grimace of hateful anger, and his hands were tensed like he wanted more than anything to rip her apart with his claws. He was glaring at the ground, his whole body rigid.

"That moron got away," he said, a deep rumbling accompanying his voice, "and all you can say is that you're sorry for being a nuisance?!?"

"Inuyasha, killing him would have complicated things-"

"Killing him would have satisfied me to no end!"

"Get a hold of yourself!" Kagome was trembling with fear now. "I couldn't just let him die because you felt like killing him!"

"I couldn't stand to see him live just because you don't want me around you anymore!" Kagome sucked in a sharp breath.

"Is that... what you really think?" Kagome murmured. "Inuyasha, you make no sense to me! I wanted to be with you, but you wouldn't let me! You made me come home and stay here with all these pathetic boys and you told me that I didn't belong with you! Why can't you just make _sense?!?_" Kagome shoved him, but Inuyasha was too strong; even the surprise didn't knock him over. Instead he grabbed her arms and pulled her against him again, holding her there. As much as she fought, he refused to let go.

"Kagome," he said sternly, "you know why I had to do that. You were living a double life. You were barely passing school, you were lying to all your friends, and you were denying yourself the modern pleasures of being a young girl just because of me and your friends in the feudal era. You were holding the boys in your own time to standards you know they couldn't possibly reach because they aren't faced with the challenges that we are. It wasn't healthy for you."

"I don't care!" Kagome screamed in reply. "If I cared what was healthy for me and me alone, I wouldn't have helped you defeat Naraku! I wouldn't have dreamed of risking my life all those times, I wouldn't have learned to use a bow, I wouldn't have found my most precious friends! I wouldn't have truly _lived_, Inuyasha! If the way it was before was unhealthy for me, what I'm doing now is just plain deadly! Now let me _go!"_ Kagome managed to tear herself away from the hanyou again, and heard a consequential rip. Looking down at her kimono, she found that one of the beautiful sleeves had been ripped along the seam.

"My beautiful kimono," she murmured abstractedly, staring at the ragged tear. A single tear rolled gently down her nose, over her lips, and dropped from her chin. Inuyasha watched the progress of the tear with growing helplessness, as Kagome continued to stare at the rip. "Kaede... she gave me this kimono... and that night... that night..." Kagome broked into a torrent of unstoppable sobbing. Inuyasha gently led her to the bench and sat with her.

"Kagome... I'm so very sorry," he said, gently holding her hand in his. "I didn't mean to rip it... It was my fault, after all... Please, is there anything I can do?" Kagome simply shook her head, unable to make words through her cries. So he sat with her, content to wait it out. Eventually they died down, and Kagome sat slumped on the bench beside Inuyasha.

"Kagome, can I tell you something?" Inuyasha asked hesitantly. Kagome nodded, sniffling. "Ever since the day you left... I've been coming back to your era." Kagome stopped rubbing her eyes to look at him inquisitively. "At first," he continued, looking up at the trees, "it was to make sure you adjusted okay. Then, when it was obvious that you were doing fine, I convinced myself that it was to periodically check up on you. Then I recognized it for what it was: a vain attempt to see you more than I knew I should. I never let you see me, and I never made contact with you or your family, but... I knew I was cheating you. I was letting myself do as I wouldn't allow you to. This was supposed to be my last night to see you. I even left you a note on your bed... Then I came to see you one last time. When I got here, that... that _bastard_ was hurting you. But before I could get to you, I heard what you said." Inuyasha's grip tightened on her hand and he fell silent.

"And?" Kagome asked through her sniffles.

"And I couldn't help but realize that... you were right. I never really showed you how I feel until I was forcing you away, and I've regretted that ever since I made the decision. I've been so out of myself... even Sango left me alone."

"You're not travelling with the others anymore?" Kagome asked, surprised. Inuyasha gave her a sad smile.

"No. I angered Miroku when I made you go home, and Shippo ran away; he said that without you there to protect him from me, the only thing to stay for would be death. Sango came to see me at the hut every now and then, but... the last time I told her about my decision to stop coming to the modern era, and she got mad at me. I think she was holding out hope that I'd eventually come to my senses and change my mind, but... I gave up. And she knew it. So she told me that she was sorry about the pain I was going to go through, but that... it would teach me a lesson. And then she left, and I didn't see her again before I came here." Kagome looked at the ground.

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I know how it feels to lose all your friends because of one decision." Inuyasha glanced at her, then looked away.

"Thank you."

They sat in silence for a while, Inuyasha's clawed, gently muscled hand still encircling Kagome's small, fragile one. After a bit, Kagome looked down at the entwined fingers and wondered what it would be like once Inuyasha was gone again. Once he had left her. The pain of his inevitable departure was already twisting her heart into an indefinable lump and stabbing it like a voodoo doll as it laughed in her face. What would it be like when he was truly gone? Kagome realized that no matter how much it hurt now, it would hurt far more if she continued to let things happen. Slowly she unwound her fingers from Inuyasha's and stood up.

"Kagome?" He whispered, his hand still open on the bench. He looked up at her curiously, and a flash of pain across his face to be replaced by hurt understanding. Looking at his hand, he said quietly, "I'm sorry, Kagome. I understand... if you don't want to see me again."

Feeling the tears returning, Kagome turned away so that Inuyasha wouldn't see the fresh new wave as she replied. "I don't think it matters anymore, Inyuasha."

"What does that mean?" Inuyasha asked desperately. "Of course it matters! Why wouldn't it?"

Still looking away, Kagome closed her eyes. "Because... you're leaving. I'll never see you again."

"... You really want me to leave?"

Kagome shook her head, tears falling from her face. "No, that's not what I meant-"

"Then what _did _you mean?"

Irritably, Kagome turned back to face him, her tears of pain and loss now mingled with frustration, "You don't love me, Inuyasha! Why else would you want to leave me again? Why else would you be here? You came for a final check-up, and now-" Kagome stopped, anger forcing her to run her hands frustratedly through her hair. Inuyasha slowly stood up, beginning to walk toward her as an odd light filled his eyes.

"You don't... hate me?" Inuyasha whispered, disbelief coloring his tones. His look leeched her anger like water through a drain.

"How could I hate you?" Kagome whispered in reply. "I can't stop loving you."

"Then why don't you just say it?" Inuyasha asked happily, gently taking the girl by her arms. "Kagome, say the words, and it'll be okay! Just say it... please, Kagome... I need to hear it." Inuyasha lowered his face so that he could nuzzle Kagome's hair, his eyes closing softly.

"I don't understand," Kagome whispered. "I don't know what you're asking of me."

"Kagome... I was lost without you. I was in constant agony, feeling out of place and confused, and I didn't know what I was living for anymore. I knew I'd come back to you eventually... but I have to know that it's what's best for you. If you say you love me... I'll know it's best for you."

Kagome leaned away from the hanyou, looking up into his eyes. "That's all I had to do?" Kagome whispered. "Just tell you the truth?" Inuyasha nodded, staring back into her deep brown eyes cautiously.

"Inuyasha," Kagome said softly, "I... I love you."

Instantly she was in bliss. Inuyasha smiled widely and wrapped his arms around her again, this time picking her up and raining kisses upon her. He kissed her face, her hair, anything he could reach. Finally, he placed her back on the ground and kissed her lips, softly and deeply, and wrapped his strong arms around her protectively. Finally he pulled back for air and to run his fingers gently through his love's hair.

"Kagome..."

"Hmm?"

Inuyasha came closer, pressing his lips against her ear: "I love you, too."

* * *

I am slightly depressed that this is, in fact, the end. No more adding chapters to the flowering love story! I could go on and on, but then it would become more ofa ramble. And besides, I think that one of the best types of ending are the ones that leave readers wanting to read more, you know? always get so mad at authors who do that, and yet... It's the best kind of ending in my opinion. Makes no sense, eh? Whatever. Anyway, thank you all for reading! And... I know there are lots of holes in this one, so... I'm really sorry about that '. I was just so caught up in it that I think I missed a few unexplained factors when I went back to reread it. Well, ciao! 


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